Not Getting To Say Goodbye
I had a friend in high school who had the best relationship with his grandmother. His grandfather had passed after he was born, and the grandmother came to live in the house with my friend and his parents. All through his childhood, she would pick him up from school and help him with his homework. His friends loved her because she had a great sense of humor and was so loving and kind.
Because she’d lived with him almost his whole life, I think my friend subconsciously assumed she would always be there – but unfortunately, that’s not what happened. Shortly after he left for college, she died unexpectedly of heart failure. He was devastated!
This person who had been part of almost every day of his life was suddenly gone, and he hadn’t even had the chance to say goodbye. I ran into him years after she passed, and he was still feeling her loss so deeply. I was able to assure him that she could still hear and see him, and because of my experience as a medium, I think those words gave him some comfort – but the most helpful thing I did was to encourage him to write her a letter telling her what she had meant to him.
“Imagine she is sitting right next to you, and that this is your one chance to say whatever is on your mind.” I advised him. “No one else ever has to read this – it’s just between you and your grandmother.”
A few months later, he called me. “Matt, it took me a while, I had so much to say that I got kind of overwhelmed, but I finally wrote the letter! I told her how much I had loved growing up with her in the house, and what an impact she had on my life. I let her know that I still remember how patient she was when she was helping me with my math homework, and that I’m sorry I got so busy at school that I didn’t come home often enough.”
He went on to tell me that as soon as he wrote the letter, he sealed it up, and tucked it behind a framed photo he had of the two of them together. As soon as he did, he felt totally at peace for the first time in years. The feelings of guilt and regret he had carried with vanished, and every time he glanced at the photo, he felt his grandmother’s warm presence.
I was struck by a couple of things about my friends experience, and I think they apply to many people who lose a loved one unexpectedly:
- The last moment isn’t the most important one! The fact that you were not with that person when they took their last breath does not erase all of the wonderful times you shared during their lifetime. In fact, when Souls come through to me, they never show up as they looked on their deathbed! Who would want that? Instead, they appear as their true best selves, and that’s how they want you to remember them.
- Nothing has to be left unsaid. Just because your loved one is no longer around in the physical sense, doesn’t mean they’re gone. They’re still watching over you, loving you, and hearing your thoughts. This means that you can still share your feelings with them, ask them questions, and even close out “unfinished business.”
- There’s more than one way to communicate. You can write your loved one a letter, but you don’t have to. Souls love being invited into your life, and they can hear what you’re thinking without you uttering a word. So, if you find it helpful to write them a letter or keep a journal for them – go for it – they will get the message. But know that any way you choose to reach out is okay with them.
- Even if you’re with them when they pass, your loved one may not be fully “there.” You may be holding their hand at the very end, and still not be sure that your loved one has heard your final message. They could be in a coma, or already have one foot on the Other Side. Maybe they’re suffering from Alzheimer’s or dementia and can’t even recognize you. That doesn’t matter. When they transition, they’ll be healthy, happy, and ready to connect with you again.
Like my friend, who was wracked with guilt because he wasn’t with his beloved grandma at the very end, we often beat ourselves up for missing those final moments. But honestly – the “final goodbye” is more significant for the living than it is for the dying. That’s because the second a soul begins to transition, they realize that there is no “final moment.” They will always be with you, and you can feel connected with them by talking to them, writing to them, and keeping them in your heart!
This reminds me of a reading I did recently for a lady who lost her son. The moment I saw her, her son in Spirit came through. “Tell her that I read her notes!” The woman could not believe her ears. Every day since her son had died, she had written him a note and left it at his grave. She was comforted to know that he had received and read her words, and I was so thrilled to be able to share that healing message with her!
If you’d like to connect with me for a reading, why not join me at an online reading event or catch me live on tour? When you attend an event either online or in person, it gives your loved one the opportunity to reach you with a message. You may be surprised to know who is with you and watching over you in spirit.