One of the most common questions I get asked is, “How can I guarantee my loved one comes through during a reading?”

The truth is, while I do my best to serve as a conduit between the spirit and the physical world, I can never guarantee that a specific soul will choose to come through and communicate. Here’s why timing is everything…

The Importance of Free Will

It’s important to remember that souls in Heaven have their own free will. Just like we can’t force someone to speak to us here on Earth or take our phone call, we can’t “make” a soul to communicate in a reading. Souls will choose when and how to make contact based on a variety of factors.

The Emotional Sensitivity of Souls

Your loved ones in spirit have the ability to gauge the emotional readiness of their living loved ones. I once met a grieving mother whose son chose not to communicate during a live event, only to appear the next day to me in private to explain that his mother’s emotional state was too fragile for a message. It’s not just about the soul’s readiness to speak, but also about your emotional readiness to hear.

When the Time is Right

It’s also worth noting that when the time is right, your loved ones will find a way to communicate.

I once met a woman at one of my events who was deep in grief over the recent loss of her son. As much as I tried to establish a connection with him, he would not communicate. I could sense his presence but could not bring forth a message from him. I tried and tired, however I just could not make him come through.

The following day, he appeared to me in my own home. He explained that he didn’t communicate during the event because he felt his mother was too emotionally fragile at the time. A message would have likely caused her to spiral into deeper grief and confusion. He told me that we would come back with a message for his Mom, but he needed her to heal a little bit more.

This experience was when I first started to realize that a message cannot be forced. You’re loved ones in spirit are extremely sensitive to your emotional state and will hold back if they feel a message could cause harm.


Messages for Healing, Not Hurting


Souls don’t wish to add more pain to their passing; their main goal is to help, heal, provide closure, and remind you that they are with you and at peace. They know when a message will be beneficial and when it will cause more pain. When your loved ones transition on, they have a different level of understanding than we do here on Earth. Although, sometimes you might not agree with their decision, they can see you life clearly and know best what you need to heal.


Trust the Process

While it might be disappointing or frustrating when a specific soul doesn’t come through, remember that this doesn’t mean they don’t want to communicate with you. They’re picking the perfect time for both of you. The souls who do choose to make contact often offer the messages we need most, even if they aren’t the messages we were hoping for.

An Unexpected Message

 A woman came to me with her heart set on connecting with her mother. She had all of these thoughts in her head of things she wanted to hear from her Mom, and you could almost feel her anticipation. Yet, it was her estranged step-brother who chose that moment to reach out from the other side.

The relationship she had with her step-brother during his earthly life had been strained by conflict and his own battle with alcoholism. He came through for one reason, to ask for forgiveness. He expressed regret for allowing his struggles with addiction to come between them while he was alive and wanted to make things right from the afterlife.

At first, the woman was visibly shaken. This was not the reunion she had prepared her heart for. However, as the reading continued and her step-brother’s sincere apologies filled the space, something extraordinary happened. Her eyes began to well up with tears, and you could see a subtle shift in her demeanor. She seemed to come to an understanding that her step-brother’s message, though unexpected, was helping her unearth layers of pain and resentment she hadn’t even realized she’d been carrying.

Don’t Give Up – A Message Will Come


When a loved one passes away, it is normal to want to communicate with them right away. However, as souls acclimate to their new existence in Heaven, there’s a learning curve for them, too, in figuring out how to effectively communicate to a psychic medium. Similarly, you also go through a process of learning how to open up and tune in to their messages.

If it feels right, try attending some group events, either in person or online, not as a guarantee, but as an invitation to the universe, signaling you’re ready and willing to receive messages.


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When your loved ones have something truly important to share, your presence could provide that beautiful moment where two souls, separated by different realms, can once again feel close. Trust in the process and in the timing—sometimes the most meaningful messages come when you least expect them but need them the most.