Losing a Loved One: Learning to Forgive Yourself

Losing a Loved One: Learning to Forgive Yourself

The death of a loved one is never easy, and for many people the pain is intensified by guilt. It’s easy to look back when everything is over and realize you could have done better.  It’s normal to have regrets – you wish you’d spent more time with them when they were alive; you weren’t with them when they passed over; you said something hurtful and never apologized – but remember, no relationship is perfect, and beating yourself up over something that can’t be changed isn’t healthy.

 

You Can’t Turn Back Time

 

I recently did a reading for a woman who had lost her brother to suicide. The moment I tuned into her energy I could feel her tremendous pain. She and her brother had a close relationship, and she had been aware of the emotional struggles he was going through and knew of his suicidal thoughts.

 

She had always done the best she could to support him. She would call him every day to check up on him and ask him how he felt. She constantly reassured him that she was there for him and loved him.

 

The night before his passing, she called him and right away sensed something was different. She asked him repeatedly if he was okay and he reassured her that he was fine. She kept her phone on that night and had it under her pillow in case he needed her. Unfortunately, the only call that came was to let her know that he had passed away.

 

Ever since that day she had been weighed down with grief and regret. She replayed the night over and over, imagining different scenarios where she rushed over, broke down the door, and saved him. She was drowning in guilt and emotional pain.

 

When her brother came through during our reading, his message was filled with love and healing words. He told her he appreciated her always being there for him, and that their relationship had been one of the best things in his life. He assured her that the suicide was not her fault, and that there was nothing she could have done to stop him.

 

Finally, he told her that he was happy in Heaven, and urged her to forgive herself so that she could heal and be happy too.

 

Allowing Yourself to Heal

 

One unfortunate reality of life is that you can’t control everything and everyone. The woman who lost her brother might have stopped him that night, only to lose him to suicide another day. People have free will, their own lessons to learn, and choices that only they can make. When someone passes, you can’t turn back the clock and bring them back for good, but there are ways to replace your grief and regret with loving memories.

 

Here are some techniques that can help:

 

1) Start by remembering the good times. Grief is funny. It blocks out all the happy memories and only leaves us with pain. Don’t let the good memories be lost. Think of the person when they were enjoying life, happy and healthy. Remember the experiences you shared, holidays, trips, inside jokes. Train yourself to replace the sad, regretful thoughts with memories that make you smile.

 

2) Look back on old photos. See the person when they were happy and vibrant. If you can, get a photo album or browse a social media page where there are pictures you haven’t seen before. Images of your loved one during family gatherings, celebrations, and vacations will help you remember them at their best – and keep them alive in your heart.

 

3) Talk about it. Sometimes people avoid bringing up the name of someone who has passed over. Do your best to break through that barrier and share a happy memory. Encourage other friends or family members to relay their own stories about the departed.  If you’re not ready to talk to family members or mutual friends of the deceased, consider a support group. Talking to others who have been through the same thing might be hard at first, but hearing what they have to say will help you

 

When I speak to the dead, one thing always comes through. They don’t want their death to hold you back. Guilt can prevent you from moving on with your life. Give yourself permission to be happy again and let go of the guilt and regret you’re holding on to.

 

If you would like to join me for an online group reading, you can sign up for one here. To make it even more special your family can attend with you and all you need is one ticket. Just make sure they are sitting with you on camera. It doesn’t matter where you live and you don’t need any fancy technology. All you need is a tablet, computer or a smartphone to be able to join.

 

I believe, the more that you learn about Heaven, the more that you learn that your loved ones are not far away. That’s exactly why I want to share my gift with you ! I hope that by attending an event with me, you’ll feel closer than ever to the people you love. I hope it helps you to open yourself up to sensing and feeling spirit and tuning into their special loving vibration!

 

I hope to see your face, and the faces of your loved ones in Heaven, on my computer screen during my next online event!

Questioning A Loved Ones Passing

Questioning A Loved Ones Passing

Have you ever lost a loved one and questioned what really happened to them? 

People book readings with me for lots of reasons. Usually it’s because they miss their departed loved one like crazy and need to talk to them one last time and make sure they’re okay,  but there are times when people are looking for more from a reading. Sometimes there’s a mystery associated with the death that leaves everyone who knew the person wondering what really happened. When there are questions around someone’s passing, it can make the loss even harder on those who are left behind.

Many times, I’ve been able to give closure and peace by answering questions like:

  • Was my loved one’s death an accident or a suicide?
  • If it was a suicide, did they regret their decision before they died?
  • Did something I said or did cause their death?
  • Was there anything I could have done to prevent the tragedy?
  • Did the incident really happen the way the police or witnesses said it did?
  • Is someone hiding an important detail of what happened?
  • Was my loved one murdered?

Losing someone you care about is painful enough without having to deal with lingering uncertainty and guilt. On the other hand, knowing what really happened makes it possible to start to let go of your grief and sadness so you can begin to heal.

Was it an Accident or Murder? 

I’m not a psychic detective, but from time to time I’ve used my gift to solve mysteries. I have to tell you – these have been some of my most gratifying readings.

When your loved ones come through during a reading, they come through for a reason. They want to

I recently had a mother and daughter attend one of my group online readings. The moment Tami and her daughter appeared on screen, her Son in spirit was standing right there behind them. The mother was struggling with the loss of her son, who had died as the result of a tragic accident. She had some doubts about what had really happened. She had been told he had fallen off a train, but she had a nagging suspicion that he may have been pushed. Her son came through and wanted me to convince his mother that the whole thing had been an unfortunate accident. He had been drinking and having fun on the train until he tried to jump the cars, lost his footing, and fell. No one else was to blame.

He let his mother know that he appreciated how she had always looked out for him, and he knew how much she loved him. His wish was for his mother and his sisters to start to let go – and to find joy in life again. He knew his mother didn’t even want to celebrate holidays because she missed him so much, but he wanted his family to find happiness and joy together. He begged his mother to let go of her guilt and grief, and assured both his mother and his sister that he is with them every day.

He shared this final message “I made a mistake and I’m sorry. I didn’t feel anything, one minute I was falling, and the next minute I was in Heaven. I want you to know that I’m here.”

Cherish Every Minute.

It’s natural to want to make sense of a horrible tragedy, but sometimes the worst things just happen and there’s no logical reason at all. Over the years, I’ve learned a lot from souls who have passed. They’ve shown me how unpredictable life is, and how you have to cherish every minute. They’ve shared their regrets at not taking the advice of people who loved them. They always ask me to let their loved ones know that, regardless of what happened – they are always there.

Watch The Full Reading Here: 

Attend An Online Reading With Me.

If you have some loose ends and lingering doubts about someone who has passed, I’d love to help you get some answers. Go to my website and explore the options. You can book a private session with me, or  attend an online group reading.

 

Losing Your Soulmate

Losing Your Soulmate

Losing a loved one can leave a great big void in your life – and when it’s your spouse or soulmate, the loss is even harder to bear. After all, your significant other was a part of every single day. Suddenly there’s no one to have coffee with, watch television with and your daily routine, and pretty much your whole life is suddenly in turmoil.

After the initial shock of losing someone passes, most people are left with questions.

Is my loved one watching over me?

Are they in Heaven?

Are they reunited with family and pets who have passed?

Are they sending me signs that they’re around?

That’s where I come in.

I’m so grateful to be able to provide people who are grieving comfort and to answer their questions. Actually, it’s the departed who answer – I’m just the “telephone operator” who passes on their messages.

A reading for Dorinda Medley.

Not too long ago I was invited to the Berkshire’s to meet with Dorinda Medley of Real Housewives of New York. Dorinda had lost her husband Richard after only six years of marriage. Before I even arrived at her house, Richard had already started reaching out to me from the other side, giving me information and letting me know how excited he was to communicate with his wife.

He told me that he was concerned she had stopped enjoying life and was constantly searching for signs from him and wondering about him.

He was right. The moment I sat down with Dorinda my heart broke for her. I could feel the pain that she was carrying with her every day. It was like a piece of her heart had been taken when Richard died.

When I started the reading, Richard came through loud and clear. He told me to tell Dorinda that he was with Gerry. That immediately made her smile and start to laugh. Gerry was one of his close friends who had passed just a year before he did.

I love when spirit does that! They bring through little validations that are exactly what we need to hear. It gives us a glimpse at what Heaven is like.

At that moment I saw something change in Dorinda. Everything suddenly clicked for her. Even though she would always miss her daily interaction with Richard, she could rest easier knowing he was at peace and with friends in Heaven.

 

Watch Dorinda’s Reading.

Although Bravo didn’t broadcast my whole reading, Richard came through with validation that he had attended his daughter’s wedding in spirit. He thanked Dorinda for being part of his daughter’s life – supporting her when he couldn’t be there for her.

Five ways to heal your heart.

If you are missing a significant other, there’s something to learn from my reading with Dorinda. Although death may feel like the ultimate divide, your loved one is actually never far away.

When you’re mourning the loss of someone, it can feel like you’ll never be happy again. That’s not what your loved one wants! They’re watching over you, and they want you to make the most of your time on earth.

These simple steps can start your journey toward healing…

1. Give things away.

Often, people are reluctant to give away their loved one’s things. They might just shut the closet door and avoid it entirely. I have a secret for you. Your loved one doesn’t need all that stuff, and neither do you. Give items away to friends and family who will appreciate having something to remember them by, and give what’s left to people who need it. It’s a meaningful way to honor their memory and you will feel good knowing they have a special piece of him or her.

2. Don’t be afraid to talk about them.

Talking about your soulmate is a great way to feel closer to them and start the healing process. Share funny stories and happy memories. You’ll be surprised how good it feels. You’re probably going to have to begin the conversation –  other people are probably afraid to reopen your wounds, so they might avoid the topic. You will notice the moment you start to talk about old memories, those around you will do the same.

3. Letting go.

There comes a point where you have to focus on life and start letting go of your grief. Letting go does not mean you don’t still cherish memories of your loved one. They will always be in your heart. It just means you have to move on, and start to enjoy experiences and people, without guilt.

4. Give yourself a break.

No matter how long someone has been gone, there might still be days when you miss them so much that you can’t stand it. You don’t have to be strong all the time! It’s alright to let yourself give in to grief once in a while. If you want to spend a day in bed crying and looking at photographs – do it. Then say to your loved one, “Okay, I’m going back to my life now!” and get up, get dressed, and take on the day- and the rest of your life.

5. Continue life like you are still together.

Just because your soulmate is gone doesn’t mean you have to give up the things you enjoyed together. Take trips, see your mutual friends, go to your favorite restaurants. Watch a movie that you both loved on Netflix. You’ll find that instead of making you sad, you’ll feel closer to your soulmate in the most joyful way.

If you pull out your photo album and look through old pictures of those who have passed, that’s what Heaven is like. The same people are together on the other side, just as they were in life, but without pain or illness. Remember that life is a gift and live it well. When your time comes, you’ll be reunited with your soulmate in Heaven.

Laughter is the best medicine.

Remember that whether you are feeling lonely, sad, or stressed you can spend Monday nights with me and my family right in your living room. I love sharing my family with you each week on my TV series ‘Meet The Frasers’.  I hope that when you watch you laugh with us, cry with us and feel part of our family each week. It’s hard to believe that we are already half way through season one! If you missed an episode you can binge watch the series on demand or on Hulu or the NBC app. Also, remember to subscribe to me email newsletter by clicking here so you never miss a new inspirational article about Heaven and the afterlife.

 

 

 

Not Getting to Say Goodbye

Not Getting to Say Goodbye

Have you ever wished you had the opportunity to say ‘goodbye” ?

 

When you lose someone close to you it hurts, no matter what the circumstances. But when someone dies late in life or after a long illness, you at least have the chance to tie up loose ends and resolve unfinished business. Most importantly, you have time to share your deepest feelings and say goodbye.

The saddest thing is when you don’t get to say goodbye to a loved one. When someone passes over unexpectedly, friends and family are left regretting all the things left unsaid. If this has happened to you, you would probably give anything for just a few more minutes with that person.

When I do a reading, I’m basically giving someone those precious few minutes they have longed for. It’s so gratifying to be able to ease someone’s mind by giving them a chance to say goodbye and letting them know their loved one is safe and at peace on the other side.

“Nobody is going to die.”

I once did a reading at an event for a couple who had lost their young son to cancer. The little boy came through with a beautiful message for his parents. After the event, the father told me something that really touched my heart.

“A few weeks before he died, my son came up to me and said, Dad, no one in this family is going to die. It seemed like an odd thing for him to say at the time, but today it makes sense. I realize that my son never really left us – he is still right here.”

If you are dealing with guilt, sadness, and frustration because you didn’t get to say goodbye before your loved one passed, take comfort in the fact that it’s never too late. They’re not really gone – they are still watching over you, and they hear and see everything!

Here are five ways to say goodbye to a loved one in Heaven – even if you think you missed your chance:
  • Talk to them! Let them know everything you didn’t get the chance to tell them while they were alive. Tell them what they meant to you, what you learned from them. Thank them for being in your life. And you don’t have to walk around muttering to yourself- your loved ones hear you whether you talk to them out loud or in your head .

 

  • Write a letter. Some people love writing their thoughts down. If that’s you, don’t hesitate to put pen to paper any time you want to connect with your dearly departed. You can keep your letter, burn it in the fireplace, put it in a bottle and toss it in the ocean! It doesn’t matter how you “send” it – your loved one will get the message!

 

  • Honor them with a special ritual. Funerals are a way for the living to honor the person who has passed, but it might be hard for you to say goodbye when the grief is so fresh and there are so many people around. It might help to create a special ritual to say goodbye. Write a message on a balloon or release a paper lantern up into the heavens. You can even write your loved one a message on a sandy beach, and let the waves wash it away.

 

  • Remember them with a song. If there’s a song that reminds you of the person you’re missing, make it a point to think of them whenever you hear it. A friend of mine feels the presence of her grandfather every December when she hears “The Little Drummer Boy,” That was Grandpa’s favorite song, and she says a silent “Merry Christmas” to him every time it plays.

 

  • Be aware of the signs. Your loved one is always with you, and they’ll send you signs if you’re open to receive them. To encourage them, ask them to send a penny, a butterfly, or a bird to let you know they’re around. You’ll be surprised at how quickly they will come through!

 

Losing a friend or family member is hard. There is no easy way to say goodbye to someone you love and no perfect time to let go, but it helps to realize that souls never really die, and they are still around, sending you love. I hope you will make it to one of my group reading. Each is a special experience where I will be helping you connect with your loved ones that have passed on. Click Here, to find upcoming group readings near you.

NEW YORK TIMES: Matt Fraser American Psychic Medium

NEW YORK TIMES: Matt Fraser American Psychic Medium

The New York Times

The Valley Forge Casino in King of Prussia, Pa., is one of those modern revenue-enhancement ecosystems whose carpets ease the crushing of your soul with faded earth colors. The wall décor is best described as bankrupt-dentist’s office. Down a football-field length of sterile corridors is a conference room with a poster outside of a beaming Matthew Fraser.

To open his show, Fraser deployed some self-deprecating jokes, salted with some spicy obscenities, to warm up the crowd. The audience was sizable and
mostly women; the few disgruntled husbands in the crowd wore the faces of men who had been blackmailed. Zoe and Ed and the other Guerrillas sat near the front in hopes of being noticed. I sat alone, about four rows behind them.

Fraser walked down the aisle and straight to my row. Right off, he said he had a vision and asked the dozen or so of us to stand. I was momentarily terrified, not only because I had prepared nothing, but also because if he asked me why I was there, I would feel obligated to tell him I was there to observe a secret sting operation.

The crowd was older, and without much trouble, Fraser easily divined the very likely fact that someone’s mother on the row had passed. He quickly identified a woman near me and handed her a microphone. “Your mom is acknowledging that I have to speak to my daughter,” he said, and then let the woman know that Mom was O.K. in the afterlife. “Your mother says that she wants you to know that she loves and cares about you.”

It was a classic cold reading, all generalized notions searching for something slightly more specific to move to. Fraser often nodded his head as if to nudge her to go along. “Your mom tells me that she was angry before she left this world, and you don’t want to talk about that.” Fraser stepped back, held her gaze and encouraged her, “You understand that?” She agreed. As he teased the story along, Fraser might, oddly, crack a joke to ease the tension but then take the room right back to this quiet place. Fraser said, “I need to apologize to my daughter because every day she deals with the stress and the burdens.”

Suddenly, the real sorrow of this stranger’s loss was here, near me, on my row. And then the whole room felt it. “Your mom says I am taking responsibility for that.” I could barely look up. This little moment felt so intimate and private. Grief is one of those emotions that doesn’t happen publicly too often, and so when it does, the mood easily dominates the room. With each reading, Fraser was, in fact, summoning the dead because all these middle-aged people had lived lives. We all knew death, family death, deeply felt. One by one, everyone in the room was reliving some loss. Helplessly, I thought of my own father, who died when I was 11, and those old emotions, stored away but never far off, took hold of me as if I were graveside.

By the time Fraser inched his way to the other side of the auditorium, people were even more forthcoming. Fraser came to a middle-aged woman dressed in a colorful scenic sweater. Her burly husband with a snow white goatee and veteran’s cap was beside her as she revealed losing two of her sons, in tragic ways. She said she missed them every day.

The audience was with her; our grief held her. We were all wrapped in rich, old memories of aching pain. Maybe dead spirits aren’t real. But these emotions were. My exhausted father waking up early on his Saturday off to watch cartoons with his little kid. Decades disappeared. I squeezed back a little boy’s confused tears. “Sonny boy,” my mom said one morning, “I have something sad to tell you.” I so miss him.

Fraser consoled the mother with news. “Your son says he’s O.K.,” Fraser said, speaking in the voice of one of her deceased boys. The mother sobbed and sank into her husband’s big chest. “More important, they are together on the other side.” Fraser learned that Christmas was no longer celebrated at home, and Fraser crushed the room: “He says you have another son, who needs you?” The husband nodded; she nodded. “He says to me, just because we’ve passed, it doesn’t mean my mother stops her life.”

Even the most stoic of men were overwhelmed, heads turned away, into shirt sleeves. Fraser stepped toward the couple and took both of them in a long, sobbing group hug. Then he moved away.

There were a few more readings, each a little bit easier emotionally. Fraser was a brilliant performer, cooling off the room. With a couple of light jokes salted with naughty words, he bolted onto the stage, and then disappeared into the wings. Eventually, Gerbic’s Guerrillas will produce an account, and Operation Peach Pit will be online with the hope of reaching a future audience with logic. But there was no denying the real power of what we all felt in the room. “Reason,” wrote the philosopher David Hume almost 300 years ago, “is and ought only to be the slave of passions.”

The real world was out there, in fact, just down this hall, but it was hard for me to get there as the crowd inched along. Fraser appeared in the corridor at a table with stacks of his book, “The Secrets to Unlocking Your Psychic Ability.” On the cover was oversmiling Tom Cruise bathed in heavenly light, clutching a gigantic key longer than his forearm. Out the corner of my eye, I caught a blue wig in the line of fans. Zoe couldn’t quite get out of character as Fraser signed one of his books for her: “Trust your own psychic voice.”

To Read The Full Article, Visit The New York Times Online…

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