Not Getting To Say Goodbye
I had a friend in high school who had the best relationship with his grandmother. His grandfather had passed after he was born, and the grandmother came to live in the house with my friend and his parents. All through his childhood, she would pick him up from school and help him with his homework. His friends loved her because she had a great sense of humor and was so loving and kind.
Because she’d lived with him almost his whole life, I think my friend subconsciously assumed she would always be there – but unfortunately, that’s not what happened. Shortly after he left for college, she died unexpectedly of heart failure. He was devastated!
This person who had been part of almost every day of his life was suddenly gone, and he hadn’t even had the chance to say goodbye. I ran into him years after she passed, and he was still feeling her loss so deeply. I was able to assure him that she could still hear and see him, and because of my experience as a medium, I think those words gave him some comfort – but the most helpful thing I did was to encourage him to write her a letter telling her what she had meant to him.
“Imagine she is sitting right next to you, and that this is your one chance to say whatever is on your mind.” I advised him. “No one else ever has to read this – it’s just between you and your grandmother.”
A few months later, he called me. “Matt, it took me a while, I had so much to say that I got kind of overwhelmed, but I finally wrote the letter! I told her how much I had loved growing up with her in the house, and what an impact she had on my life. I let her know that I still remember how patient she was when she was helping me with my math homework, and that I’m sorry I got so busy at school that I didn’t come home often enough.”
He went on to tell me that as soon as he wrote the letter, he sealed it up, and tucked it behind a framed photo he had of the two of them together. As soon as he did, he felt totally at peace for the first time in years. The feelings of guilt and regret he had carried with vanished, and every time he glanced at the photo, he felt his grandmother’s warm presence.
I was struck by a couple of things about my friends experience, and I think they apply to many people who lose a loved one unexpectedly:
- The last moment isn’t the most important one! The fact that you were not with that person when they took their last breath does not erase all of the wonderful times you shared during their lifetime. In fact, when Souls come through to me, they never show up as they looked on their deathbed! Who would want that? Instead, they appear as their true best selves, and that’s how they want you to remember them.
- Nothing has to be left unsaid. Just because your loved one is no longer around in the physical sense, doesn’t mean they’re gone. They’re still watching over you, loving you, and hearing your thoughts. This means that you can still share your feelings with them, ask them questions, and even close out “unfinished business.”
- There’s more than one way to communicate. You can write your loved one a letter, but you don’t have to. Souls love being invited into your life, and they can hear what you’re thinking without you uttering a word. So, if you find it helpful to write them a letter or keep a journal for them – go for it – they will get the message. But know that any way you choose to reach out is okay with them.
- Even if you’re with them when they pass, your loved one may not be fully “there.” You may be holding their hand at the very end, and still not be sure that your loved one has heard your final message. They could be in a coma, or already have one foot on the Other Side. Maybe they’re suffering from Alzheimer’s or dementia and can’t even recognize you. That doesn’t matter. When they transition, they’ll be healthy, happy, and ready to connect with you again.
Like my friend, who was wracked with guilt because he wasn’t with his beloved grandma at the very end, we often beat ourselves up for missing those final moments. But honestly – the “final goodbye” is more significant for the living than it is for the dying. That’s because the second a soul begins to transition, they realize that there is no “final moment.” They will always be with you, and you can feel connected with them by talking to them, writing to them, and keeping them in your heart!
This reminds me of a reading I did recently for a lady who lost her son. The moment I saw her, her son in Spirit came through. “Tell her that I read her notes!” The woman could not believe her ears. Every day since her son had died, she had written him a note and left it at his grave. She was comforted to know that he had received and read her words, and I was so thrilled to be able to share that healing message with her!
If you’d like to connect with me for a reading, why not join me at an online reading event or catch me live on tour? When you attend an event either online or in person, it gives your loved one the opportunity to reach you with a message. You may be surprised to know who is with you and watching over you in spirit.
Responses
We have just tragically lost our fur baby .BUSTER…by a car last evening. My daughter who has already been fighting depression, is not doing well at all. He was her soul companion, even though, officially, belong to her son. She took care of him for 7 yrs. He would put himself to bed at night in her bed, even cover himself up. Have coffee with her in the morning. She is blaming herself for this and is very devastated…as we all are. I watched a animal communicate on you tube who said all animals plan and create their own deaths…even abused, accidental and neglected. Why would Buster do something like this.? She says animals purpose is to help us spiritually evolve and teach us lessons. How can doing something like this be beneficial with sooo much sadness and pain,??! Please help us know why he left. They say there are no accidents in life..
That everything happens for a reason .he was only 7 yrs old and as far as we know, happy and in good health. I can’t get your TV show. I don’t know how to, or if I can afford to get some kind of reading. I’ve just discovered you on YouTube. As soon as I get my social security check in Jan.23..I will purchase your two books I have reserved on Amazon. I’m very worried about my daughter. She’s not doing well at all..this may put her over the edge. We are seeing her Dr tomorrow for help. Any help you feel inclined to give would be immensely appreciated.God Bless You For The Great Work You Two Are Doing!!!
I know so many people, myself included, who have feelings of guilt or regret about what they did or did not do before/when/after their spouse(s) passed. I talk to my beloved every day, sometimes a dozen times a day. I tell him I love him and miss him; I ask him to forgive me and to be with me. I pray he hears me, and hope we will be together for eternity when my time comes.
I had so much to say to husband lol was total devastated when l heard there is nothing we can do l talk to him l feel like he’s with me he loved to decade songs or just do little things that now mean so much in my everyday memory l was not sure if he knew how much l loved him or if he knew we were there but my daughter started to sing a song l taught her to sing to him a tear went down his face l still had so many things l wanted to talk to him about l am and always will love this man the pain in my heart ❤️ l go to sit talk to him he’s my Angel
Oh my goodness I didn’t realize how much the passing of my husband at a young age we were married since we were 21 he passed away at age 54 he was only 2and a half months older than me. When I lost him I lost me. I talk to him all the time like if he never left because I couldn’t be with him when he passed away that’s where I’m at he passed alone and I can’t let him go I want him back so very much he comes in my dreams all the time but I’m not sure if he truly knows how sorry I am and I need to know that he’s not angry with me like I am at me. He won’t get to know our only daughters baby boy he only seen pictures of him when he was born he didn’t make it back to our home state to meet him in person and our 4boys he will never be able to meet their wife’s or see our youngest son become a young man. So many missed memories and milestones. So much Guilt so many things Left unsaid one minute I’m laughing and talking to him and then one minute I’m getting that horrible phone call after father’s day. I just need to know he isn’t disappointed with me and that he knows how much I always loved him and I wish I could change that day and I could have been there holding his hand.. I’m so very very sad and lost here without him. I always wonder if he is listing to me or if he can hear me. What I do know is we don’t know what we have until we loose it omg!!! I’m so stuck I can’t be happy I cry to this day and it’s been since 2021 we weren’t supposed to end this way. I have so much regret it’s eating me up inside. I didn’t wanna go through our 35 years of photos I want him back. Matt I really do need to hear from my baby but I’m so afraid that he’s upset because I was supposed to be there holding his hand like the other scares we had before this day came. I’m scared he doesn’t want to talk to me even though I have always been by his side why not the day he went up to heaven. I need to know he is okay and he is not upset with me he was such an amazing person, husband, father,New Grandfather I still can see his beautiful smile and him singing Lionel Richie Truly our wedding song to me. I pray that he comes through because I just built up the nerve to become a member and ready for a online reading I have been so very nerves to go through with it. But I love your beautiful soul Matt and I am looking forward to finely meet you so I can maybe find some peace knowing my baby is okay.
My husband died 12-23-22 I could not get to hospital in time as EMTs were fast. I wanted to hold him one more time.. I hurt so much.
A sudden death with so little time together and holding back because of the anticipation of the moment we were waiting for to profess our love and devotion left me devastated and full of regret. I should’ve waited for that special moment because it never came.
Matt, I’ve been on a spiritual journey for a little while. I’ve been learning about spirit guides, Angels, life, charts, etc. I have so many questions. How does free will fit into our life charts. If someone chooses to murder, somebody isn’t that free will? Also, I don’t understand about reincarnation. I didn’t think we came back down or if we did we were angels or guides, I would love to hear your ideas and thoughts on these questions.
My boyfriend OD’d in 2019 , we argued the day &night before he died. We said some foul stuff to each other. The next morning at 9 am someone called and told me he was dead. The sound that came out of me , I’ve never heard before. He was the love of my life u wanted to die with him. I’m am in a SELf destructive path ever since. 4 years and I still feel like it was yesterday. I have PTSD, MDD, and I’m spinning out of control. But I’m gonna try and write a letter and see if it works. To everyone who has lost a loved one I’m sorry for loss I don’t know how to grieve or what to do. But I’m trying this because I think what this dude does is amazing. But I keep texting and telling him to come to Arkansas, I think we’d like each other’s accent… Prayers for everyone.
Hello Matt, I lost my mom (best friend) in 2021 from dementia. I have such pain and guilt and I can’t seem to change it regardless. I’ve prayed I’ve so been sorry … I now drink like a fish and hold so much guilt in me. I even feel God is upset with me. I just want to ask you if my dear momma is happy and if u could tell her I am so so sorry!!! Thank you kindly ,, Sandy
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