Have you ever sat there, late at night, wondering if the person who broke your heart, manipulated your mind, or spent years making you feel small will ever truly understand the damage they caused? Maybe it was a parent who never said “I’m sorry,” or an ex who flipped the script to make themselves the victim.
It is one of the most painful experiences on Earth. You are left holding all the trauma while they walk away seemingly untouched, living their lives as if they did nothing wrong. You might even find yourself asking: Is there any justice in the universe? Do they just get to cross over into the light and be happy after all the pain they caused me?
I want to tell you something right now that will hopefully bring some peace to your soul. In the spirit world, there are no masks. There are no lies. And most importantly, there is no ego. When a narcissist crosses over, they don’t get a “free pass.” They enter into a process of accountability that is deeper and more profound than anything we can imagine here on Earth.
The Great Unmasking
When we are here in the physical world, we have our egos to protect us. For a narcissist, that ego is like a suit of armor. It allows them to deflect blame, rewrite history, and block out the emotions of others. They live in a reality of their own making because they lack the empathy to see the world through your eyes.
But when a soul leaves the physical body, that armor falls away instantly.
In the afterlife, we are all made of pure energy and light. This means that secrets cannot exist. You can’t “spin” a story to a Higher Power. You can’t gaslight an angel. When a soul who struggled with narcissism on Earth enters the spirit world, they are finally confronted with the absolute, naked truth of who they were and how they treated people.
The Life Review: Feeling the Echoes of Pain
Many people ask me during readings, “Matt, do they know what they did to me?” The answer is a resounding yes.
One of the most intense parts of the journey home is the Life Review. This isn’t like watching a movie of your life while eating popcorn. It is an immersive, 360-degree emotional experience. You don’t just see what you did; you feel the impact of your actions on every single person you touched.
Imagine for a second the narcissist in your life. During their Life Review, they have to stand in your shoes. They don’t just watch themselves yell at you or belittle you. They actually feel the pit in your stomach. They feel the way your heart raced when you heard their car pull into the driveway. They feel the years of therapy you had to go through just to feel “normal” again.
They experience the pain they caused as if it were happening to them. Because in the spirit world, we are all connected. There is no “me” and “you” in the way we have it here.
For a soul that spent a lifetime avoiding accountability, this is the ultimate reckoning. It isn’t about punishment or “hellfire” in the traditional sense. It is about spiritual education. The universe doesn’t want to break them; it wants to wake them up. This “empathy download” is the only way a soul can grow and eventually move toward a higher vibration.
Why They Couldn’t Change on Earth
You might be wondering, Why couldn’t they have just realized this while they were alive?
I once knew a woman named Claire who spent thirty years trying to get her husband to understand how much his coldness hurt her. No matter how many letters she wrote or how many times she cried, he just stared at her with a blank look. He died without ever offering her an ounce of closure.
During a reading, her husband came through. He didn’t come through with the same ego he had on Earth. He came through with a heavy sense of realization. He explained that while he was in his body, he was “spiritually blind.” His own trauma and his own ego had created a wall that he couldn’t see over.
Many narcissists have a “soul blockage.” Whether it’s caused by their own upbringing, brain chemistry, or a spiritual test they failed, they simply didn’t have the tools to access empathy. In the afterlife, those tools are finally given to them, but they come with the heavy weight of regret.
You don’t have to wait for them to say “I’m sorry” to start your own recovery.
The Healing for Those Left Behind
One of the hardest parts of surviving narcissistic abuse is the feeling that your reality was stolen. You were told you were “crazy” or “too sensitive” so many times that you started to believe it.
I want you to know that the Spirit World sees you. The angels and your loved ones who have already passed know exactly what you went through. They were standing right beside you during those lonely nights when you were crying on the bathroom floor.
Justice in the afterlife isn’t about seeing the other person suffer. It’s about the truth finally being recognized. When you realize that the person who hurt you is finally seeing the truth, it allows you to let go of the burden of proving yourself. You don’t have to argue your case anymore. The “Universe” has already recorded the evidence.
Don’t be scared that they are “getting away with it.” In heaven, there is a perfect balance. Every act of kindness is rewarded, and every act of cruelty must be accounted for and healed. This is part of understanding the unspoken words of departed loved ones.
Can a Narcissist Reach the Higher Realms?
Heaven is a place of many levels, or “vibrations.” When we cross over, we go where our soul is most comfortable.
A soul that is filled with love, kindness, and empathy naturally vibrates at a high frequency. They go to the “beautiful” parts of the afterlife where everything is bright and peaceful.
A soul that is heavy with regret, anger, or the weight of having hurt others doesn’t just “zip” to the top. They often stay in a state of reflection or “rehab” for the soul. They have to work through the darkness they created before they can move into the brighter realms.
I often tell people that the afterlife is like a school. Some souls graduate with honors, and some have to stay back for summer school. Narcissists are usually the ones in the “long-term tutoring” program. They are surrounded by guides who help them process their Life Review, but that process can take what feels like a very long time in spirit years.
Finding Your Own Peace
The most important thing for you to remember is that your healing is not dependent on their afterlife journey. You do not need to wait for them to finish their Life Review to be happy.
Often, we stay bonded to the narcissist because we are waiting for that one moment of validation. We think, If they just understood how much they hurt me, then I could move on.
I am here to tell you as a medium: They will understand. It is guaranteed. It is a law of the universe.
But you? You get to move on now. You get to reclaim your power. You get to realize that their inability to love you was a reflection of their own spiritual poverty, not your worth. You are a beautiful, shining soul who was strong enough to survive a difficult spiritual test.
Sometimes, we choose to have these people in our lives (on a soul level) because they push us to find our own strength. They are the “villains” in our story that force us to become the heroes. While that doesn’t excuse their behavior, it does give us a way to find meaning in the mess.
Moving Forward with Spirit
If you have been through the wringer with a narcissist, please know that the best “revenge” is your own happiness. When you heal your vibration and start living a life filled with joy, you are breaking the cycle of trauma.
You might still have questions. You might wonder if a specific person who passed away is finally “getting it.” Or maybe you just need to hear from the people who did love you unconditionally to help fill that void.
The spirit world is always reaching out to guide you and comfort you. Whether it’s through a dream, a sign, or a feeling of peace that washes over you out of nowhere, your support team is active and working hard for you.
This is not to be feared. The accountability of the afterlife is a beautiful thing because it ensures that in the end, love and truth are the only things that remain. All the lies, the gaslighting, and the pain eventually dissolve, leaving only the lessons learned and the strength gained.
If you want to dive deeper into how the afterlife works and how your loved ones: and even the difficult people from your past: are doing on the other side, I would love to have you join me for an upcoming event. Whether it’s a live online group reading or one of my workshops, these experiences are designed to show you that the bond of love never dies, and the light always wins.
You can also check out my books, like We Never Die, to learn more about the Life Review and the incredible journey our souls take when we return home. And if you feel called to develop your own intuition to better protect yourself from negative energies in the future, my courses on psychic ability are a great place to start.
Remember, you are never alone, and you are more powerful than you know.
Responses
Matt this hit home I stayed over 30 yrs in an abusive marriage he was an alcoholic and ended up dieing from the disease we were divorced at the time
I know exactly how you feel because my ex was a horrible alcoholic and abused me for 5 years, and he was a narcissist to the extreme, almost killed me and our children and when he took the first drink at night I knew I was his main target.
I really feel this, after 23 years I finally had enough and feel ready to move forward to find peace ☮️ and happiness, I really needed to see this. Thank you 🙏
Your writing of the narcissist truly resonated with me.
I’ve been around them all my life Matt.
Your reassurance in the after life really comforted me.
I can’t thank you enough!
I have done a lot of work on myself over the years to over come the damage and trauma they left me with. I worked on myself with my belief and faith in God.
Again thank you for your comforting powerful enlightenment.
Urs and Matt words both hit home 🙏🤲👐🪽💙🫂
My Daughter keeps saying I am a narcissist but she really is one. My ex was the same I’ll never understand that reverse phycology they use it amazes me. I loved this and when I can will definitely get your Book. Thank You Much Love 💕
Thank you Matt.
This was a beautiful read!! Thank you !!
Yes! Yes! I’ve been wondering this very thing. Thank you so much for informing us about this. My mother was the queen of narcissism. She was totally evil in every sense. I have not shed a tear since she died. I realize that forgiving her is important for my peace, and at times I think I have. But then I find out more things she did or told others and I get angry and hurt again. It will probably take her watching her life review many, many times before she can rest in peace. At least that’s what I hope for. Thanks, Matt, as always for educating us on those tender topics we must learn from. Bless you, sir.
I felt everything you just said except my mother is still alive .. she is older and I believe she is realizing some of her mistakes but she will never admit to them unfortunately.
Powerful!!!! Thank you
Your intro paragraph is so very descriptive of how I have felt towards a sibling. I am the younger sister to a narcissistic sister who is 9 years my senior. Never could I wrap my head around how and why she treated me as she did my whole life growing up and always. As we aged it, grew worse, much worse after our mother passed in 2024, to where I have no contact now. I often thought about that very thing this article addresses. Thank you from my heart for this. Thank you.
This is a beautiful article that brings peace to a survivor of a narcissistic mother. I have been no contact for 10 years now and I know that I will be able to talk to her again after she passes, when she fully understands.
Hi Matt..I just bought the audio book
Of yours..You don’t have to Wait until
You are Dead…I loved it & learned a lot.
I am a hypnotherapist & work in the healing field myself. I am looking forward to reading another book of yours…thank you & blessings to your sweet family🥰
I just ended a thirty year marriage with an abusive woman and o think about this all of time. God Bless you! 🙏
I am ready to reclaim my life.
This was beautifully said Matt! I can tell by your words that you definitely have an understanding how a narcissist can crumble your spirit!!! I do search for him to just acknowledge what he did to me since our marriage at 17. 35 years leaving the abuse while he was at work he did what he always threatened.. he would either take the kids or kill me. To this day I can accept the pain he caused me but I have to see the damage he-did to my children everyday. All grown with children of their own and living with the pain. It’s hard to let go but your words have helped my individual pain. Now I want to fix my children’s pain! It’s impossible. All I can do is love them and be there for them which comes naturally! Thank you for your kind words!
This is incredibly informative , I love the knowledge it gives and breaks down on souls who are blocked by there own trauma walls that prevent themselfs from seeing the light . I was in a long mentally abusive relationship with a narcissist so this here is a spirit & soul reliever. Thank you Matt
Matt, my husband has done this to me. He hasn’t died, and we are going through a divorce.
He has been abusive, cruel & made up the most epic lies about me. I feel like I cant move on. Hes made me feel like im the problem. I always sit here wondering, does he know what he’s done. How does he feel knowing what he’s done. When will he realise how cruel he has been.
Thank you so much for publishing this. Im sat here reading it with my daughter & we’re are both blown away. I take so much comfort knowing, one day, he will see & understand what a cruel, evil man he really has been. You have made me feel so much better. I hope his beloved parents who have passed, have been with me spiritually throughout this whole ordeal. Thank you ❤️
Very powerful message. Especially in the times we live in.
Thank you Matt, you sent a message to me that so resonate with my emotions now. My beautiful Son went home 3 years ago March 4th. I seem to be reliving in my mind, why did I not see this and focus more on my boy than being concerned of all the struggles around myself, therefore feeling overwhelming guilt of not being there for him the right way that he so needed. Left me way to soon. I so know he is in a high level, for I was blessed with a beautiful soul. 31 forever.
These words are CB of great comfort to me. I am still grieving and v in much pain. I live in England and sadly have never been able to have a live reading. Thank you so much as you are a true angel.
Mattew. You are loved blessed and a beautiful soul the universe values your wisdom.
This helps me in so many ways. Thank you!
I so needed to read this today. So much pain, so much heartache because my ex MIL, hated me from the day I met her. That was over 50 years ago, and it still affects me today. I left her son, because of her.
Thank you.
I spent 54 years being married to a narcissist. He never took blame for anything and was very controlling. If I told him he left stains on the TV room couch from eating lunch there he’d get up and quickly stomp outside and stay out there for hours. He passed away in October and I swear to God a few weeks later i realized all the tension I carried for years had left my body. I don’t miss him on bit. (I stayed in this marriage because I took a vow to God at my wedding.)
Dear Matt, I asked this question last might with my daughter. Why, why. Thank you so very much, you answred our question. I love you and your beautiful loving family.
I am was with my partner, Finace’ for 21 years. I was dedicated to him and his Children and Grandchildren. He was a Psychopathic narcissist and I endured years and years of not only the emotional abuse, and verbal abuse, but in the end, his physical abuse. I lived as his wife, I didn’t work as he was older, retired and wanted me to be available to travel, be there when he wanted to do something. I was totally financially independent on him. He told me over and over that he would provide for me after he was gone. I had reoccurring dreams that he would abandon me, leave me with nothing and he would always comfort me, telling me he could never do that because he loved me. 3 ½ years ago, he did just that. He took our two dogs, went up to the second home and sent me a text, telling me to move out. I had 3 weeks to pack my belongings, find a place to live, and move. His 6 children whom I had been close to all those years and grandchildren, all turned their backs on me, never to see me or speak to me again. He knew I had no retirement, no career, no means of supporting myself and left me in financial ruin. I am now living in Poverty and as I write this, I can not even afford to buy groceries. I still have nightmares about him – the Trauma of his “Abandonment” was horrific. I cried most of the day for the first 6 months and everyday for the first year. I still suffer from anxiety because of the financial situation I am in. I am now 67, still unemployed and what he did to me – the Trauma, the abuse – still affects me to this day. I can not believe that he could EVER “Feel” Empathy, he was so evil and he knew exactly what he did to me. He knew I had nothing and what would happen to me financially and he still left me the way he did. I have attended a few of your Online Readings, wanting to hear from him i some way, and fearful of him at the same time. I find it so hard to believe that even in the After Life, he would recognize what he did – he was so evil.
My late husband Ronald had an affair with a malice narcissist.I loved him.
You are so amazing! This is just what I needed to hear! You explain it so eloquently. Thank you for this. My family and I have followed you for years, and I am so grateful for you. I love your family, and I feel like you include us like family. Thank you. I look forward to seeing you at an event in El Cajon, CA on May 15!!
Matt. Thank you for this message. My spouse’s narcissistic tendencies included cyber infidelity. He felt what he was doing wasn’t cheating. I couldn’t get past it. There were countless encounters. We were in the process of divorce when he died. I’ve been overwhelmed with the pain of losing my marriage then hit with the loss of my spouse. I continue to wonder if they now have regrets. Can they see the truth and pain they caused? Did they ever even love me? How much of our relationship was real? Needless to say, there have been so many mixed emotions of loss, hurt, sadness and still some anger. I still have questions but your book and words today brought me some solace that at least now they see the impact of their choices and behaviors. I work to find peace even though I may never have answers to the questions that haunt me. I struggle with the concept of forgiveness and pray I can somehow find that gift. I’ve read your book and have been to a couple online sessions. Thank you for the comfort you bring.
My daughter and her 3 daughters were affected by a narcissist. They are all suffering. Except my daughter. She passed in Dec 2025. I see the damage every day.
Wonderful read Matt! Thank you!
I do not believe they ever answer to what they have done.They have made my life hell.
Dear Matt, thank you for this article. My adoptive father was a narcissist who abused, mistreated, and humiliated me. He would twist the truth and, after the divorce, claimed that I was a degenerate daughter. He presented himself online as the victim, while he was the one who told me, “You should no longer see me as a father, but as a distant friend.” He has passed away now, but he still has the power to make me feel worthless and like I don’t matter.
Thanks heaps Matt,
I have your book’s and enjoyed them, I enjoy your teaching and kindness. this article really makes me realise that narcissists pray on kind people to take advantage of to
manipulate and use them.
Matt, Your words always come at the right time. Thank you.
Thank you for reminding me of what I can do to heal & let go.
Wow! Thank you for your wonderful HEALING Wisdom that is so pertinent to the Narcissistic abuse I’ve gone through! You are so EXCEPTIONAL and what you know is astounding beyond your years! Thank you so much!
Deep Love and Prayers, Tessa Marie Gleason
Thank you for making me feel better. My soul doesn’t want anyone to get their what is coming to them .I’m over everything that has happened that wasn’t good. I want peace & love for everyone in my past that treated me without love. I really feel good when I listen to you. Love & Peace
I’ve been around them all my life Matt. I did throw everything behind my back and move forward as you said make yourself happy in which I did. This was well said. Empathy is one of the greatest thing on earth.
Matt it’s like you’re seeing what I’m going through in this life! Thanks for clarifying the questions I have about narcissists. You made my day!😊💕
How can I schedule a private reading
Matt I truly feel this message was exactly what I needed after spending 25 yrs married to a narcissist. I am doing your online class now about our purpose and I have felt so blocked. I feel a weight has been lifted and maybe I can get back to the lessons. Thankyou
Thank you Matt from the bottom of my heart. This is what I needed to know and hear. Suffered for years with a narcissist in a relationship. They do break you down and do a lot of harm, Also your video on the on when souls leave the ail is lifted hit home. So grateful for you have attended three online never picked but, informative.
Even the abusers with Epstein files or any abuser? Even leaders of any country who have abused their power which lead to consequences to people either good or bad outcomes? Do people come back reincarnated and if so why? Why would we pick our demise or lessons on earth prior to us coming to this earth and no one’s going to pick being murdered, raped, abused, etc, doesn’t make sense, Matt.
Not only I married to one, my DIL is one who won’t let us see our grandson (control power)
and my son’s suicide, her involvement
Matt,
Thank you for reaching out to me your email has made a hugh impact on my decision to move forward with my life. 24 years of being married to a narcissist has has had its toll on every aspect of “my being” .wish me luck and thank you again
Thank you Matt! What if a few personalities that were a part of your life have past over. But you ended up finding another to repeat the pain. I always thought because my only concept of love was abuse. That is what I would find. Even if they were packaged differently. Blue collar, so try white collar. I am sure you understand what I am saying. I feel like I lived so many lives in this short one on earth. Anyway it seems like I could never break the cycle of abuse. Except I never physically abused my two children. Not that I was perfect, just to young and naive. Thanks for listening. I feel you already know me.
Hi Matt,
I experienced this most of my life. Even by my own family. I experienced a suicide from a previous boyfriend. A husband that was a great relationship turn bitter. He put me down. Called me stupid. I am just feeling done. Yes, I experienced this. Thank you for this information.
I was married to a narcissist for 22 years. What I just read is a wonderful bit of knowledge knowing that he will finally understand what he did
Thank you Very much Matt ❤️
I belive Its a wonderfull understanding.
Bless you and your family
Matt I honestly don’t know what to say. I suffered my entire life because of my mother and her wicked witch craft she did to me and my family. She hated me and constantly told me she never wanted me and wished i was dead and that I was the bastard of the family that nobody wanted. She tortured me locked me in closets when i wasn’t even 3 years old all day long no food, water or bathroom privilidges. She’d beat me when she let me out because I had went on myself and made me clean everything up. I went through this until the last summer before i went to school then the one i thought was my mother took me outside on the front porch and explained that the other woman who lived their was my real biological mother and the one i thought was my mother was my half sister. my life was pure hell their wasn’t a piece of a moment that I can remember of my mother or sister that was happy. My grandparents were the ones I found love from and only them. My life was chaotic until the day she passed away 12/12/14. The clouds were on top of the mountain when i went to the nursing home to say goodbye the day before she passed and when i was coming home the clouds were surrounding the bottom of the mountains here in sierra vista. its took me years to let go of the hurt. Now i live alone with my dog LuLu. She reached out to me several months after her death. I woke up to her calling my name one morning around daylight and i looked to the foot of my bed and their was a thin veil all acrossed the room and a hole in it and the only way i can describe it was it looked like bubble gum that had popped and left a hole in it but it was so thin i could see through it and i recognized it as the veil. but another female voice came through calling me (mom, mom) then i heard my mothers voice twice she called me. I checked on all my children to make sure they were all right and it wasn’t them. but i had heard this other females voice a couple days before I heard her call me through the ceiling and then as she was standing near my bed and then again in my ear screaming mom mom. then she disappeared I never saw her physically but i know she was reaching out for me. I don’t know why. I don’t know whats happening to me but i see things that i can’t explain and hear voices while I am sleeping people talking. I”m confused and afraid to try to reach out to anyone.
Matt,
This letter was spot on. That’s my husband. Soon to be ex. Reading this made me feel a little better. He’s not going stop being mean or nasty till the Divorce is over. So I want to thank you taking the time to reach out.
You and your family are precious. Enjoy. I’ve already paid for match 31. I am hoping Fr. Jack , or my dad comes though. Do you ever see a Parent who was abused their child want to come though but you oh No ?!
I will be 59 in a couple days and still in my 26 year mentally abusive marriage. And you’re right he just doesn’t get it. He doesn’t see the hurt that he causes at all. How can I blame him for what he can’t see. when I said vows I meant those vows forever. I just don’t know how to move forward without guilt and also with confidence that I can live this life by myself at this age. I can’t support myself anymore I’m disabled and have been for about 7 years. Its difficult for my heart to say im done and be able to sustain myself somehow. He holds all the cards I just can’t see how to move forward and do i want to?
I have had many traumas in my life and two bad marital relationships. I have been through so much in my life and it has been a hard one. I was a single parent for years of 3 young children. I am mentally & physically drained
Thank you so much for that beautiful explanation of the journey of accountability in the afterlife that a Narcissist and such must take… It left me feeling cleansed and refreshed…
I feel I am now able to put the trauma in a box, forget about it and walk tall and proud through the rest of my life journey!!
I look forward to learning more from you! *Hugs*
This has helped me to understand why I’m feeling like I do, also answering some questions I had about souls on the other side. Thank you Matt, I believe I’m here now to help me Navigate things that have been happening since I was very young.
Love and light to you as well.